I Must Again Destroy My Inner Critic. With Fire.

"A super sad person who likes absolutely nothing right now", 2016 by Matt Vaillette.

Update: It's not perfect, but I can draw again!!!

I was reading a NY Times article about silencing the inner critic. I may not be a writer—but I am an obsessive artist.

A couple years ago I had my perfectionism and negativity in check. My art style was created to evict that art critic. Now it's back... and stronger than ever.

I find myself unable to work—avoiding work—and destroying art before it goes anywhere.

It's a waste of time, and it's making me sick.

"You Are Crap"

Here's a sample of the negative anti-creative energy.

  • I can't focus anymore, because my illness is worse.
  • I'll never be as good as before.
  • It's too painful to try.
  • I can't think anymore. I'm dull. It's not worth trying.
  • This doesn't feel good, so it mustn't be good.
  • I'm really _____ frustrated at ______.
  • This is wrong. Everything is wrong.

This is what I deal with when I try to draw; Other times, I am procrastinating. Forcing myself doesn't fix it.

What Was It Like Before?

When I'm free of negativity each moment is flowing creativity. Nothing stopped me from drawing all day every day—and I did. Nothing stopped me from feeling at my peak in each moment—and I always did.

Conclusion

I solve this, or I continue to be very sick and unhappy.

Thanks for the read!

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I've had some success in the war against my inner critic!