Read these satirical art critiques by silly, made-up art viewers.
The following art critiques fictional—and based on the behavior of art viewers online. I salute their defense of "true art" and for preventing the destruction of "artistic purity". Without their efforts, the Art World would surely be illegitimate or cease to exist.
The Art Critiques
Our first critique comes from Thomas, a slightly homophobic male who liked eating crayons in kindergarten.
"WTF. His hair is like chocolate sprinkles on a banana peel."
"This is bad art, let me tell you why:"
- It's not realistic
- It's bad (see #1)
- The sweater is like baby poop.
"Okay finally... I thought it was a boy, cause its blue. Then I wondered if it was secretly a girl dressed like a boy. The artist is pro LGBTQ. LIBERAL PLOT. WHAT A WEIRDO."
Our second critique is by Sam, who likes American cheese and making fun of people on the internet. He is an expert on the phenomenon called "Art World."
"First of all, who uses purple in art? I thought the Art World did away with purple. I mean I know some artists are girls, but no one takes female artists seriously."
"And this reminds me of Dali. I hear Dali had sex with animals. This artist is really disturbed, and I know because this "person" has 3 eyes."
Robert liked this at first, but just really hates hippies.
"Wow, this artist some kinda hippie? Who puts a heart in their art? It's too obvious anyways. Art is supposed to be subtle, like me."
"And art is supposed to be about real shit. You know, like flowers, landscapes, and fruit. Anything else isn't art at all. That's a fact."
"I don't like this so it isn't even art at all."
Timothy's critique was fair, and honest. He also enjoys ridiculing people as they leave psychiatric hospitals.
"This is the best drawing ever. ITS OPPOSITE DAY BTW!!! wow you fell for it. hahahaha."
"It's like this artist, (if you can call him that,) did a lot of acid one day and never recovered. Like they are totally psychotic all the time, and that makes them stupid."
"omg Eyes aren't green. Wtf."
Tommy is a hobbyist oil painter who mistakenly uses acrylic paints but we didn't have the heart... Also, he is a very perceptive art viewer.
"This artist clearly uses Microsoft Paint. What a moron. I know because of the color red. You only find that color in Microsoft Paint."
"A true artist only uses oil paints, and canvas. They never erase. Digital art is way too easy it's killing the art world."
Rendall doesn't like cats, or dogs, and likes to steal handicapped parking spots because he "pays taxes too!"
"Some guy licking his leg? WTF kinda idiot made this? Plus the tongue is not even attached."
"It's not even cool like surrealism. This is just some lame crap some looser made after injecting marijuana."
"Your wasting my time. I pay taxes you know!"
This art critique is fair and just. I'm sure the artist can put this information to good use.
"A hippie cowboy?! You trying to make me gay? WTF!!!"