Art Journal #3: Creativity 1, Depression 0

"Upside down girl doesn't need drugs to fly", illustration by Matt Vaillette.

Read about this creative experience that cleared my depression in an hour!

I just rode a huge wave of artistic energy. Earlier I was depressed. Now I'm not. Let me tell you about it.

The day was artistically difficult. I'm still depressed and felt incapable all day so I started by... getting really frustrated.

I made an agreement with myself. I would create really poor art for a bit. It got my mind working on things while I tied up my consciousness.

I realized that a lot of my problem was I had pidgeon-holed my creative process into something very formulaic (and simple.) It happens (but it's very bad.)

I chose to "play chicken" with some caffeine (against my better judgement, I thought.) It would undeniably make me irritable (a bipolar interaction) and I would just bear down and continue drawing. I wouldn't need to figure out a solution.. I just wanted to stay focused and not quit on the session.

Drawing by artist Matt Vaillette, 2016.

One gulp of English Breakfast Tea was enough to start the process. Welp; Irritability. Waves of frustration and a sensation of inability. It's true: I was creating weak art, and I knew it. It was something I could fix.

Meanwhile DJ Shadow was blasting in my ears. Long time favorite. Very creative guy , great music.. Once I had challenged my attempted creative process it was only a matter of time till the music hit me and I built some momentum.

Suddenly I'm in it. Flow. It's all music and energy. Yea, I'm drawing, but the skill is in riding that wave as long as possible. Building, building, building momentum—without tiring the body. My creative process is very active physically.

I went till my muscles were sore. Possibly not very long. It felt like an hour long mind orgasm during a flow experience. I don't really know how long it was.

It's not quite a high. It is more like some epic spiritual event. When I returned to normal my head was calm, clear, but not empty. There was clarity. I was not tired. I was not depressed.

Update: Next Morning

Today I am not depressed. The experience cleared out the sickness. I can think clearly. I'm not irritable. It seems to have returned my brain to some kind of homeostasis. Creativity saves the day!

More art from the experience:

Thanks for reading!

This is super personal but not in a private way. Happy to share it! Leave some feedback. =)

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